[This sermon is one of a series entitled "Sermon on the Mount, Concentrating on the Beatitudes," which is being preached on Sunday mornings by Pastor Tim Senter.]
Today is Father’s Day. Today is Sunday and we are here to receive a blessing from God’s word, which I am blessed and privileged to deliver to you. Today is also my birthday and I get to spend it with many of the people I have the most affection for in this whole world. It would be easy, therefore, to say that today (as we will soon no doubt enjoy great food at our annual church picnic) is about me. However, as we look at today, I find that it does not have anything to do with me that God did not first determine. First, I was born due to God’s specific action, not because I had anything to do with thinking my way into being. God gave me life. He has preserved my life. Further, He continues to do so at His leisure. My celebrating a birthday, therefore, has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with God.
Second, I am married to a wonderful and loving wife. This would most certainly not have been my doing if I were the only one to decide. Chris is a very special, beautiful, and intelligent woman who, in my youth, I would not have immediately chosen. We came somewhat from different circles. There is a great story there, and I will leave it to you ladies to ask her about it. She has blessed me with three wonderful children, and we have four beautiful grandchildren. That testimony is all about God, and certainly not about me.
Third, I am able to preach and teach the Gospel of God to you because you called me to do this very thing. Before 1995, I would never have been recognized as one to follow the Lord, much less actually minister in His name, or preach His gospel. I was a sailor in the USN, had a foul mouth that I was cleaning up, and had many of the sailor’s habits. This story is, once again, as my whole life is, all about God and not about me.
Fourth, I am able to spend this day with the dear saints at Mountain View Baptist Church because they, while searching diligently for the will of God, asked me to minister to them. This, again, was not my doing but purely of God as He worked in the hearts of those present here today.
Therefore, I have four blessings wrapped up in this day alone. I even get to enjoy a little softball (something I love) and eat good food (something else I love to do). Both of these things, too, are gifts from God the Father–the all merciful, all-powerful, and all knowing God of the universe. This is a great day! Thank you Lord.
Turn with me to Ephesians 5 please. Our scripture reading today had but a smattering of the total verses in scripture that depict the relationship between men and women, or so we think. Read with me our passage today. We will actually begin reading Ephesians 4:32 through chapter five.
I believe (especially you men) we have all heard our share of messages drawn from this passage of scripture that deal with either the husband or the wife’s responsibility in the home. I have to admit; it is tempting to do so. After all, we have tremendous verses such as verse 25 – “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” This is a great scripture that should tell husbands to treat their wives with the loving care with which Jesus treated the people. It is followed, though by verse 26 where we read “that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.” This is a statement of Jesus and His ministry on earth. If we look at the words of this chapter alone we find “Christ” used eight times, “Lord” used seven times and “God” used six. “Jesus” is used just once. Other references to God the Father and the Son brings the total references to God to a total of 27, including three references to light. As far as the husband goes, we find five references directly, and 15 times indirectly including the reference to “saints,” “sleeper,” and “children of light,” (which is both ladies and gentlemen) and “sons of disobedience.” Clearly, these passages concentrate on Christ, not on man or on woman, husband or wife.
We should notice one other detail that is many times missing from expositions dealing with this passage. Many good preachers point out the fact that there is a “therefore” before a certain passage of scripture. It is in verse 25 of chapter four, and here in chapter five verse one. What, therefore, is the “therefore” there for? We read, then chapter four verse 32 and we find that we are to be “kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” This is what precedes the “therefore.” We are supposed to imitate God, as children imitate those they love. This resemblance is seen when we are to be kind one to another, and when we forgive one another in the same vein in which God forgives for Christ’s sake. The whole passage (chapter 4 verses 25 through 32) is talking about our relationship one with another, but our relationship should reflect Christ. This is just as Christ’s relationship with us is maintained in the same manner as that of the Son is with the Father. He emulates the Father to us in His testimony, and we are to, in turn, emulate Jesus to others in our testimony. This passage, therefore, is not so much about specific relationships as it is about the Christian testimony. The relationships are illustrations, and life conditions under which we should practice, operate, and exemplify Christ. This passage, as much as we would like it to be about us, is about Jesus and our being Christlike. This is the auspices or the governing thought we will concentrate upon.
This passage and that which immediately precedes concerns “relational testimonies of Christ.” We need to look at and concentrate on scripture because it reveals God to us. It does not reveal man, nor does it simply provide a checklist, or “How To” booklet. In our sinful hearts, “man continually makes the mistake of making scripture about him, but it is the revelation of God and His Son.”
Well, with the groundwork laid for an edifying look at our passage, let us now consider a broad overview of some of the chapter to set the stage for our focus toward the end. We will begin with the first 14 verses.
I. Imitators of God (5:1-14)
If you think my assessment may be wrong concerning the focus of the discussion in scripture, you only need to look at the first few words of the scriptures. Ephesians 5:1 says we are to be “followers” of God, just as dear children. The word we find translated “followers” is the word from which we develop “mimic” (mimētēs). We are to imitate, or copy God. More specifically in the passage, we are admonished to “walk in love” as these imitators (NASB and ESV). We are to love one another and forgive one another so much as to be willing to give our lives for one another, being in pain one for another. God is pained by sin, and because He had to give His Son for our sin. In this way He, because His Son was willing, forgives us our sins. We are to see this forgiveness, this love, and this walk in life as a sweet smelling or fragrant aroma of sacrifice for others out of love. We forgive because He forgave.
In verses three through five, we find a list of specific sins that open the section. Since immorality and impurity, or greed for pleasure was a concern in Ephesus, these are the specific sins being mentioned. The word “greed” normally means one who is seeking after great wealth. An individual with an insatiable appetite for money is comparable to one having an insatiable appetite for the opposite sex as well. This use of the word is indicated in the first two nouns that focus upon improper sexual intimacy. Although the word used is normally associated with money, the tone of the conversation deals with inappropriate sexual behaviors. Therefore, this term that we find translated “covetousness” is being used with respect to personal physical satisfaction. The other two words used here (“fornication” and “uncleanness”) indicate sinful sexual encounters. All three are in the nominative case and complement one another. The command is, “do not be involved with immoral, impure, or have an insatiable appetite for inappropriate intimacy.” This type of intimacy is not the love being indicated in verse two.
Verse four talks of other sinful acts that can hurt the Christian testimony. Not only are we to act in a sober manner toward one another in love, we are equally not supposed to engage in foolish talking or jesting which is inconvenient. The point is that we are all supposed to conduct ourselves in a Christlike fashion–whether it is with a member of the opposite sex, in our own personal lives, or publicly with others. We are to be gracious toward our brothers and sisters in Christ, forgiving and loving them; and they fulfill the will of God and delight His heart by forgiving and loving in kind.
Equally, we find we are supposed to be on guard for those who have these attributes and attitudes that would cause this pain and consternation. These are disobedient children of God the Father. We should (as followers of Christ in loving forgiveness) not act as they do, and should not take part in their petty differences, fun, and worthless words. We are supposed to be changed, according to verse eight. We are supposed to be the light of the world. This is something we will study more in-depth next week. Just as God is light, and in Him is no darkness, we are supposed to be children of light that dispel the darkness around us (1 John 1:5 sermon). We are to be imitators of God, who is light. We are not even supposed to speak of the things done by man and woman in secret. This is in itself disgraceful.
Now, this subject then sheds light on the following verses. Once again, Paul turns to the Ephesians as an example, after his having been there for years and started a church there. Now we look briefly at verses 15-21.
II. God’s wisdom (5:15-21)
Because we can easily be taken up by the world, because we have to be told to, encouraged in, and given examples of being imitators of Christ, we also have this strong admonishment – be careful how you walk – be wise in it. Unwise men place themselves into questionable positions, or worse yet, have purposefully placed themselves in these situations. We have had Presidents recently, and in the past, who have exercised their power for just such an occasion – to take advantage of a young lady. There are people in business, in the military, and in many other situations that take advantage of their position to fulfill their personal lusts. People who look at and covet these opportunities place themselves in precarious positions in order to fulfill their desires. These are time-wasting endeavors. One could ask what time was wasted contemplating how to engineer some surreptitious rendezvous–time that could instead have been spent productively. This is the admonishment in verse 16 and answered in 17.
We find another admonition in verse 18. Alcohol releases an individual from their inhibitions. It frees the thoughts to include those things that are risky in life. Instead, fill yourself with the Spirit of God, and risk all for Him instead of for physical pleasure. Be encouraging one to another in psalms, in hymns, in spiritual songs and, in this way, love one another in the name of Christ, thanking Christ for all these blessings.
As you can see, this passage calls for us to focus upon Christ and the Father through the Spirit (being filled thereby) throughout. We are to do this instead of focusing upon the things of the flesh, the personal and physical satisfaction or sensations in the body. We are, instead, to focus upon God and, in this way, we glorify Him. We are to forgive one another, walking in sacrificial agape’ love for one another. All this is to be in the same fashion–as God loves the Son, and forgives us for our sins through Jesus. How does this carry into our following discussion? We are given some good examples of what this is supposed to look like in life.
III. Submission, Subjection, and love (verses 22-33)
Now, with this section of scripture, we first find wives discussed, and we may have to revisit this next Mother’s Day. Today, although we will consider verses 22-33, we will concentrate on the verses dealing with the husband’s responsibilities, as this is appropriate for the occasion.
First, in verse 23 we find that the husband is the head of the wife. He is, therefore, not only in charge of, but responsible for AND TO the wife, just as Christ continually gave of Himself and continues to minister every day for the church. Men, you are responsible for your wives, you are responsible for your children, and you are responsible for your home. Leadership is your lot in life whether you want it or not, and whether your household abides in it or not. Nothing in scripture gives us an “out” for not being good leaders. If you fail, you will answer for it. Leadership, therefore, as God leads, as Christ leads, as we found in our leadership study that began in Genesis–this leadership is your calling.
Second, we find that we are to love selflessly in verse 25-30. When we look at this verse we must keep in mind that we are talking about Christ, and that Christ is the focus. You, gentlemen, are supposed to mimic Christ, and, in doing so, we love selflessly at home. We give selflessly at home. There is no room for, “if I do this, she’ll have to do that.” There is no room for, “why doesn’t she cook a good meal for me once and a while?” Gentlemen, the disciples never cooked for Jesus. Jesus cooked fish on the shoreline and ate with them (John 21:10-13). That does not mean that you men should do all the cooking, but it does mean there is no expectation that you be waited upon hand and foot. The relationship is about each of you giving 100% all the time, every day. I submit to you that love is about this–serving always and without concern about receiving service. You give always, your wife gives always, and you will both always be satisfied.
Third, men, we come to another great passage of scripture in verses 31-33. We should note here that the husband is to leave his mother and cleave to the wife. Apparently, the wife is not supposed to have a problem with this issue. I believe that part of the reason this is stated in such a way is because, quite frankly, Jesus had to leave the Father and take sin upon Himself for us. It was His choice to do so. The Father then, seeing the sin upon Christ, would be forced to separate from Jesus. Just as we choose to separate ourselves from the fellowship of God in our sin, so too Jesus chose to separate Himself from fellowship with the Father in taking upon His sinless body our iniquities and imperfections. This has to be a choice of the man – leave, and then cleave. Jesus is now identified with us. However, being the only perfect sinless sacrifice, He is much more than we–much greater than any heavenly being. Regardless, He had to choose–and men, just as Christ chose, you choose to separate from your family too.
We will concentrate on three things in this passage. The head, the love, and the separation of God from Christ as we use the husband and family as examples.
A. The Head (verse 23)
In our first concern we look at our position as the head of the home, the head of the wife, and the head of our children. You, gentlemen, have your own small fellowship. You have a wife, you have children, and these constitute your gathering, your assembly as it were (which is the word for “church” in the Greek). We have all heard the head analogies – the mind, the eyes, the mouth, the nose, and the ears. Men, as the head you have the bulk of the senses that you are supposed to exercise to lead and guide the home. You are also supposed to be contemplative, as the head contains all the brains – this does not mean that women are thought to be less intellectually inclined, but you are held accountable for the thoughts that permeate the family. Does your family primarily love others, care for and about them, and are they bent on serving others? Conversely, is your family selfish, self-centered, cynical, or permeated with the attitude of “let’s keep up with the Joneses.” Neither are you to be secluded such that your family ministers to no one. Gents, I submit to you it is your responsibility to be thinking of ways to encourage Christlikeness. You are here expected to visualize opportunities for your family to serve. You are to smell out evil and sin in your family and work to eradicate it. You are equally supposed to listen for and implement good Christian communication, music, and family atmosphere in your home always. You are also required to communicate all things in the love of God and the forgiveness called for in 4:32.
Now, just as Christ continually gives us opportunities to serve, He also continues to stand before the Father when we disobey and do not serve as we should. He stands before the Father to give us protection from His wrath, judgment, and righteous punishment. You too, men, are supposed to stand before Jesus just as Jesus stands before the Father. When the questions begin to fly, you will be held accountable. In this way, you are not only accountable to Jesus, but to your wife. Jesus tells us, talks to us, deals with us, encourages us, gives us His Word for guidance, and provides us daily sustenance for our lives. This is no less important for the man to his wife. You are to give your wife your attention, talk with her carefully and lovingly, encourage her with a heart of love for her, and give her written direction if needed from the Word of God. Remember, this book (the scriptures) is the revelation of God and testifies continually of the Son throughout. Men, just as this is your guidebook to Christ, this is the guidebook you should use for your wife to see Christ. You should be seeking these scriptures for the answers to your life’s needs, and you so do so with your wife to encourage her. The head reads and communicates. It does not read, then keep it all in. It hears and discusses. It does not hear and bark out commands. Christ is not found issuing many imperatives. His discussions mostly involved teaching for spiritual edification and communication to enhance a spiritual life with the Father. Men you are ministers of Christ in your own home and you will be held accountable for it.
Now, incase we get the idea that being the head in charge gives us some kind of unilateral power, we should consider our next section of scripture where we are called to love as Christ loved. That is no small thing gentleman.
B. The Love (verses 25-30)
We are to love selflessly in verse 25-30. We first note that the word “love” in verse 25 is an imperative. We are commanded to love our wives. Have you ever wondered why this word could not be a subjunctive and say, “you should love your wives.” This is as if to say, it may be difficult, but you ought to love them anyway. The fact is, love is a choice no matter what type of love you point to. We can choose to love, or we can choose to hate. It really can be that easy for us. Since we are to love as Christ loves, just as we were the head as Christ is the head, we should consider what selfless love of obedience did Christ commit. Did the Father actually tell Jesus to sacrifice Himself for us? We need only to look at Gethsemane to find the answer where Jesus says, “not my will, but thine be done.” Jesus did not want to go through with crucifixion any more than you or I would. However, He submitted to and obeyed the commands of the Father out of love for us (Rom 5:8). Christ exemplified the selfless love of the Father in His obedient vicarious sacrificial atonement. Remember this guys, when you are standing before God because you are the Head, you too should love your wife enough to take responsibility for all the sin in the home, whether you are directly responsible or not. Though Christ had no sin, He took all of ours for us. In this same way you must, you are commanded, you are directed by God to love your wife selflessly.
In this fashion, you can provide a level of sanctification for your wife and her actions. You act as Christ, but you can never be Him. If you are continually encouraging her in the Word, continually admonishing your household in the Word, and continually bathing yourself in the Word for the purpose of leading your home, you are well on your way to receiving the comment “well done thou good and faithful servant.” By sanctifying your wife in this fashion, you set her apart for service unto the Lord. She serves others more freely as well. Have you considered taking full responsibility for the home or the kids for a period of time such that your wife can serve others? Set her apart for service in your love for her. This, too, has reciprocal benefits. If you are steeped in the Word of God and continually encouraging your family in the things of God, your wife too seeks His Word to encourage her heart, and instruct your children. This attitude and aptitude becomes a natural flow. This keeps your wife’s focus on pleasing God, and this should always please you as your family serves Him. This nourishment and love feeds your soul and the souls of your family for God.
Purification is a result of this continual feeding of the Word, abiding in the Word, seeking the Word for life and love, and being satisfied with the things of God’s Word and God in our lives. This breeds satisfaction in life through a rest in the sovereignty of God that can only come with pure dependence upon the nourishment of God. There is no spot, wrinkle, or blemish on a child of God who is always seeking the things of God, and who is focused upon serving and loving God even more every day. These things are continuously cleansed and removed as we seek forgiveness of sins in our pursuit of Him.
But Pastor, what of this leaving and cleaving thing we have heard so much about? What is happening with that in these verses?
C. The Separation (verse 31)
I believe that much of this has already been indicated in the short introduction to this section of scripture. Folks, it is a choice to leave one family and join another. On earth, we are to leave the ways of your home and your mother and cleave to your new wife. You leave what you consider the standard, what you are comfortable with, and cleave to that which is alien – and you accept it, men. There is no turning back, and your job is not to make your current wife like your mom. This is the analogy of the Christian stepping away from the world (leaving) and holding fast to Christ (cleaving). In Christ, I have some very glorious brothers and sisters. I have had the privilege of fellowshipping with some of the sweetest spirits and testimonies of life that one can ever know. None of these would be possible if these saints had not made a decision to leave the world and follow Christ. Equally, if Christ had never made the decision to leave the life He knew here and submit to the Father, no one would be found in heaven because no savior for sinful man would be available. You leave your old family, and you develop a new one. In this case, you leave the leadership of your father and your family, and become the leader of your own fellowship. You take a position before Jesus for your family, just as Jesus took a position before the Father for you, your father, and every other sinner on this earth.
Equally, just as Jesus asks your forgiveness of the Father in His perfection and on His account, you too ask for your family’s forgiveness on your account and in your imperfection. Realizing your inability to lead a family perfectly, you must submit to the fact that you will err. You might wonder where this pattern is best seen in scripture. We need only turn to this pastor’s favorite testimony, Job. In Job 1:5, after the description of His wealth and his children who feasted and drank and celebrated on their birthdays we read,
“Job sent and sanctified them, and rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all: for Job said, It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus did Job continually.”
Gentlemen, you need to continually place yourself before God in this fashion for your family. Psalm 51: 17 tells us that David knew that sacrifices on the altar were really not the answer or desires of God. Our hearts must be broken and contrite. A heart that is poor in spirit, meek, hungering and thirsting for righteousness and purity is a worthy sacrifice. When we come before God for our families then, we too recognize we have failed when they have failed. We are broken for their failure to please or honor God properly. We are broken because we know that we too have failed Him. Both of these realizations and our position as the leader of the family force us into a state of contrition as if to say, “I am incapable of doing this without you O God, please help me, give me wisdom, and forgive me for my trespasses.”
We should summarize these understandings and put them into perspective.
At the Whetstone this week at Red Cliff Bible Camp I was privileged to hear a number of messages from a group of men dedicated to God and His Word. The main speaker, Dr. Greg Huffman, actually exposited this chapter and specifically these passages in the last session. I informed him that I too was convicted to do so for you this very day. He gave me permission to use some of his material. Here are some of his points.
- Love is sacrificial – since Christ is our example, He loved us first…long before we submitted to Him. Therefore, it (His example) must be in our homes and marriages.
- Love is sanctifying – just as Christ set us (the church) apart for service to Him, so too we are to set our wives apart for service to the family, the church, and primarily to our Savior Himself.
- Love is intimate – Intimacy begins with security and the commitment to marriage. Just as Christ Himself is committed intimately to the operations, people, and testimony of the church, so too you must be intimately involved with your family. It is about service and intimate care, concern, and selfless love.
- Love is exclusive – in marriage, it is one man, one woman, one lifetime. In Christ, it is one God, one Savior, and one eternity. You have made your choice men; you must separate yourself exclusively to her, and to your family.
This passage, then, is about Christ. It is about Him and His church. There are people in His church, and those people are humans that are flawed. Because they have flaws, and He is perfect, Jesus encourages us to become more like Him. Men, we are to be the most like Him because we are given the staff of leadership in our families just as He was given it for His church. He charges us to have a right heart to love our families at all costs. We are also to have a sanctifying spirit which is contrite. Just as David admitted His sin, when he gained a contrite and broken heart he was able to pray once again for Israel as a king. You too must come to God prepared to submit yourself for inspection, for reproof, and for correction in order to give your heart for your family. This passage is not about marriage; it is about Jesus and how we are to be like Him. It is not about relationships, it is about one relationship – you and Jesus. This passage uses our lives, what we know and live, as illustrations. Clearly, the most godly marriage will suffer bumps. However, just as Jesus Himself suffered bumps in His life and lived through them, you too will persevere with His strength.
Men, seek Him, search His ways, implement them in your lives, and stand as the leader ready to accept what may come. But you must do all of this with the selfless sacrificial love that Christ showed us every day of His ministry, when He gave Himself willingly for us, when He submitted to His Father’s will, and now as He stands still ministering on our behalf as the perfect priest. This is a tall order, but Christ would never have asked it if He did not know we could succeed. You have Him and His strength, I propose you get serious, and get busy.
